FF16: Iris
by shannyfish
Summary: Technically AU and slightly future. Life is different when Felicity no longer is a part of Team Arrow. For SmoaknArrow's Olicity Flash Fiction Prompt #16: Detour.


_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't wanna go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_When sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't wanna miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_~ "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls_

. . .

"Felicity's going to be here today."

Oliver's head snapped up. "She is?"

Diggle nodded slowly. "She and I are going to have lunch after the meeting."

"Right," Oliver said and looked back to his computer. He clicked to his calendar and then ran his hand down his face. "I forgot that her division has that meeting...I was planning-"

"On not showing up?"

Frowning, Oliver turned to look at Diggle. "It's not like I don't WANT to see her. I do, it's just-"

"Things are complicated?"

Why was it that Diggle seemed to be so good at finishing his sentences? Oliver just wanted to be able NOT to have to share everything in his life, but at the same time...that just didn't make sense. Even if he COULD, then he was certain that Diggle would still know everything. It was his superpower, Oliver had decided.

"You know if I needed a therapist-"

"Let's face it, you'd never go," Diggle told him. "You and I are not ones to sit down and hash out feelings."

"She's better off, you know," Oliver said quietly and his eyes moved to the window. He got up from his computer and walked towards it, his hands thrusted down into his pants pockets.

"Well, at least she SEEMS happy, so there's that," Diggle told him as he joined him by the window. They looked out at the city together in silence for a moment. "You could have changed things, Oliver."

"I know."

"You promised her that you two could still be friends…"

"I know."

"She's, from my point of view, been the only one who's kept the promises that she's made," Diggle told him.

Oliver sighed. "I've kept up my end about Queen Consolidated."

Diggle huffed out a laugh. "Well, there's that...but you practically pushed her away, Oliver…"

"I'm civil-"

"You LOVE her."

"I can't-"

"But you do."

"It would have never worked-"

"You don't KNOW that. You CAN'T know that. You never gave it a chance," Diggle pushed. "She LOVES you, Oliver."

"She loves him."

"Does she?"

Oliver turned to the side to look at Diggle. He'd never questioned that. "What do you mean?"

"Does she REALLY love him?" he asked slowly.

"They're engaged," Oliver reminded. "You know Felicity-"

"I know that you broke her heart."

Oliver looked away, balled up his fists, and tried to keep the tears at bay. He HATED to think about that. "I did it to PROTECT her."

"Did you? Or did you do it to protect yourself?"

He KNEW that Diggle knew why he'd done it. It had been over six months now! Why was he making such a big deal of it? They'd all coexisted within Queen Consolidated and Starling City all this time. Why did Diggle feel the need to rock the boat? "Slade could have killed her…"

"She's part of the reason why we were able to get Slade to the point where he could be subdued and put into that ARGUS prison," Diggle reminded.

"She almost died-"

"They weren't targeting her because of her connection to you in any way, Oliver," Diggle interrupted.

Nine months before, he remembered finding Felicity outside of Verdant face down and heading towards overdose from Vertigo. She'd been dosed and hadn't even realized it. When she'd started to feel like she was going to pass out, she'd tried to call them and make it to the Foundry. There had been a point where she'd stopped breathing and he'd thought that they'd lost her...that the antidote hadn't worked… Oliver had decided in that moment in between breaths and heartbeats that he would NEVER put her in the line of danger again. It had taken them over a week before she was well enough to leave the Foundry and during that time there were far too many times when he'd thought that she wasn't going to make it. They'd had to almost take her to the hospital far too many times.

"Oliver?"

"I was thinking…" he responded slowly.

"About Felicity?"

"What if it was you and Carly?"

Diggle was quiet for a moment. "I'm with Lyla, remember?"

"But Lyla can handle herself," Oliver reminded as he looked towards Diggle. "You don't have to worry about her taking care of herself...but Carly…"

"Look, I understand where you're coming from," Diggle told him slowly. "But that doesn't mean it's right. You took away HER choice. You took away the light that was inside of you...you don't smile anymore…"

"Smiling is overrated."

"She makes you a better person, Oliver. Think about that," Diggle told him as he turned and started to head out of the office. "Think about that."

Oliver turned back to stare out the window. Diggle didn't know how much he thought about Felicity...or missed her...or wished that things were different. He'd spent so much time trying to convince himself that he could burn the hood and put down his bow...but the truth was, Oliver didn't know how to live as Oliver Queen, CEO, without being the Arrow. The Arrow was just part of him now...and Felicity had been a big part of that...in making it a good thing.

She made him a hero.

. . .

His goal was to avoid her. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her because he did. Oliver just didn't want to see her and then have to force himself to keep his distance. Just thinking about her made him want to touch her...to hug her...to hold her...to run his fingers through her blonde hair. Tears pooled in his eyes, but he held them at bay as he packed up what he needed to take with him. He could finish his e-mails from the Foundry. Oliver grabbed his briefcase after putting his jacket back on and then headed out with his head down.

"Oliver?"

He stopped in his tracks and wondered if there was any way that he could run and she'd just let it go. Oliver couldn't just ignore her though, not with her right there. He lifted his head and she was standing right there. She took his breath away. Oh, how he missed her. It was even harder to keep the tears back now.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," she replied cheerily. "Are you ducking out...again?"

Oliver put on a fake smile and tilted his head to the side. "You know how I am…"

"Oh, I know…" she told him as she fidgeted with her hands.

She looked happy, he thought. Felicity was dressed in a dress that fit her curves, but then flared out into almost ruffles at the bottom of her skirt as the hem hit right above the knees. The dress was navy with a lighter blue floral print on it and she was wearing a navy sweater over it. She had dangling earrings and a simple necklace that he'd seen before. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but was curled. He watched as she adjusted her glasses.

"I never congratulated you," Oliver finally blurted out as his gaze moved downward, he noticed her heels and brought his attention back up her legs until his eyes met hers again. "I really do hope that you're happy."

"You didn't come to the engagement party," she replied and he could hear the sadness in her voice. "John made up some ridiculous excuse…" Felicity reached out and her hands rested on his upper arms as she stared at him. "I MISS you, Oliver…"

The tears fell, he couldn't stop them, but he immediately wiped them away. He bit his bottom lip for a moment and then shook his head. "I miss you, too. I miss you everyday," he confided as he looked away. It was hard to deal with her being right there. "But it's better if we keep our distance," he told her as his gaze moved back to her.

"Oliver-"

"Felicity, I-"

"If it's too hard for you because of-"

"It's not him," Oliver told her. Her hand started to move along his arm and all he wanted to do was touch her…

"Then what is it?"

"You," he found himself saying before he could really think about it.

"Me?"

Her voice almost cracked and she sounded heart broken. "I can't be around you, Felicity, because it's too hard… I see you and all I want to do is to touch your face," he said as he brushed his finger along the side of her face. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "I want to hold you…"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Because that's not all I want," Oliver admitted as his fingers ran through the hair that hung from her ponytail.

Felicity pulled away from him, tears running down her cheeks. "Ol-Oliver…"

"I wish I could give up being the Arrow for you," he admitted. "I wish I could just close that chapter on my life and be happy with you...but the more I think about it, the more that I know that I can't-"

"I never asked you to do that!" she told him. She was upset and he could feel anger in her voice. "You made all the choices… I NEVER wanted things to change!"

"I couldn't watch you die!"

"So, now you're just going to avoid me for the rest of our lives?"

"At least you'll be safe," he told her. Her blue eyes were filled with tears and his heart broke even more. Oliver was just happy that no one else was around. He'd dismissed his assistant for the day, paid day off so she hadn't argued with him, and now Diggle had wandered off. "If you were hurt, I couldn't-"

"Don't you think that I think about you EVERY night? You and Diggle and Roy?" she questioned through her tears. "I lie awake at night and wonder if you're okay… If you three are being safe out there… If you NEED me. I wake up every morning and check to see where your cell phone is, to make sure that you've gone home and slept before Queen Consolidated. Oliver, it should have been MY choice to make. No matter what, I will ALWAYS be connected to you...I will always worry about you...and I will always LOVE you."

Oliver just stared at her. He wanted to grab her, to kiss her, and to tell her that they needed to change things. He wanted to be okay with her coming back to the Foundry with him and to go back to how things were before… He'd find a way to be okay with it. They'd work extra hard to make sure that she was protected. "Felicity…"

"I KNOW you, Oliver. I know what you're thinking."

"Are you sure?"

"I can't…" she whispered and he could tell that she was conflicted. "No matter how much I might WANT to. I can't. Oliver, I'm engaged...I'm going to get married. I can't live a life where I lie to my husband… I won't do that. Marriage isn't going to be some kind of detour… I want to get married once and that's it."

Oliver just stared at her. She deserved that. All of that. She deserved a life without secrets. "I shouldn't have pushed you away," he whispered.

"No, you shouldn't," Felicity told him firmly as she brushed tears away. "But I wouldn't have met Ray, if you hadn't…"

"I should have told you how I felt," Oliver told her.

Felicity stared at him for a long moment. "It's too late, Oliver…"

"Is it?" he asked quietly.

"Of course, it is."

"Do you love him?"

"What kind of question is that? I'm ENGAGED to him. We're going to get married. We're looking at wedding venues tomorrow-"

"But do you love him?"

It seemed like the simplest of questions. He didn't think it should take so long to answer something like that. It really didn't take any thought. Oliver now wondered more than ever if what he'd really done was to detour Felicity's life to what was expected of her...rather than what she WANTED. He'd taken away her choice in that life, he knew that, but he'd meant it as doing what was best for her.

The road to hell was paved with good intentions…

"Oliver, I can't-" Felicity stammered.

"I love you, Felicity," he told her slowly. He watched as her bright blue eyes widened. He'd always known how she felt, but he'd never told her...not really. Oliver just figured that he was keeping her safe. He knew now that neither of them were going to be happy if they didn't tell each other the truth. He just wished that he could go back and change things. Was it too late?

"I have to go," Felicity told him and sniffled.

Oliver grabbed her and pulled her to him. His lips assaulted hers and for a moment, she seemed to melt in his arms. It was like her brain clicked on at the end, her body started to tense and he released her. He could see a mix of feelings in her.

"I'm going to be late for my meeting," she finally said and staggered back a couple of steps.

"Felicity…"

He watched her get into the elevator and disappear as the doors closed. She was right, life wasn't about detours… He just wished he could change things. Oliver realized that she'd never answered his question, she'd never told him if she REALLY loved Ray. What if she didn't? Now that she knew, what would she do?

. . .

The End.


End file.
